


Banstand Break-up Casualties

by orphan_account



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale's Bookshop (Good Omens), Break Up, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Fill-in-the-Blank Challenge, M/M, Post-Scene: The Bandstand (Good Omens), Scene: The Bandstand (Good Omens), Scene: The Bookshop Fire (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 20:50:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20895923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: My fill-in with Aziraphale and Crowley's thoughts after their infamous breakup and a bookshop fire.





	Banstand Break-up Casualties

“Friends? We’re not friends. We are an angel and a demon, we have nothing whatsoever in common, I don’t even like you!”

Crowley tried really hard not to scoff. Why did Aziraphale need to be like that all the time, he didn’t know. But he just had to do this dance – push Crowley away, so Crowley would grab him and pull closer. He knew the angel for a long time now, that’s how he’d always been. But now they were running out of time and Crowley was annoyed. Surely, Aziraphale would go with him. How he could not? He loved Crowley, Crowley was sure of that. Just as Crowley loved him. One couldn’t be without another, they learned it the hard way after the last fight they had. They were godfathers together, seeing each other every day, for eleven years now. They were best friends. They were more than that. They were one. They belonged together.

But that didn’t make Crowley any less annoyed.

“You do!”, he shouted mockingly. No one in this world liked anyone as Aziraphale liked him. Only he liked Aziraphale more. Loved Aziraphale more. Liked, loved, adored, worshipped. Words, words, words... Come on, he thought. I don’t have time for that. You and I both.

“Even if I knew where the Antichrist was, I wouldn’t tell you, we’re on opposite sides!”

How ridiculous was that? Now he made Crowley angry. There was no time for these games, how could he not see it? They had to act now.

“We’re on our side”, Crowley hissed, moving closer. He was ready to grab the angel by his arm and drag him to the car. Get the things, find a place. Flee away. Start anew. Together.

“There is no our side, Crowley”, the angel said harshly, and Crowley froze. “Not anymore. It’s over”

Crowley felt as if he was slapped across the face and punched in the gut at the same time.

Angel meant it. His… No, not his angel. Some estranged angel in Aziraphale’s disguise.

Crowley was hurt before, even by Aziraphale. He was thrown out of Heaven once. He was no stranger to pain. And yet it felt he had never known what true pain meant. He opened his mouth, ready to say something really, really hurtful to that angel who hit him so hard. But he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t even breathe. The lump in his throat was all he felt.

“Right. Well, then. Yeah”, he managed to say, still barely believing in what had just happened. For a brief moment, he waited for Aziraphale to laugh and say it was a bad joke. But Aziraphale was silent. Looking strangely hurt – why would HE be hurt? – but silent. Crowley turned away, his lips shaking. He felt he might sob if he wouldn’t press his lips hard enough.

“And I thought he loved me the same way I loved him. Damned idiot”, he thought so bitterly, he could taste the poison on his snake tongue.

“Have a nice doomsday”, he said, turning back one last time, wishing to sound casual, but sounding hurt and bitter. He turned away again, pacing more swiftly now, clenching his teeth. He felt anger boiling in his veins, anger, and hatred. Not for the angel, though. For himself.

“How could I be so wrong about something so simple?”

He didn’t notice how he reached his car, how he drove home, how the night came. It all seemed too smeared now, the thought, drinking hard liquor from the bottle. His mind went through every memory he had, every time Aziraphale smiled at him lovingly, every time their hands brushed, every time angel’s eyes told him “I love you”. He went through those times, torturing himself with the same question “How could I? How? When did it all fall apart? He must’ve loved me, at some point, he surely did. What happened? When? How?”. The dawn came soon enough. But now answers with it.

**

“And when I’m off in the stars, I won’t even think about you!” – Crowley’s words ringed in his head, as he watched, frozen, his black car driving away.

“What have I done?”, he thought with strange calmness, as some man approached him and said something he couldn’t make sense of.

“What have I done?”

“What have I done?”

“What have I done?”

Realization soon hit him. Crowley, whom he hurt so mercilessly the day before, came back for him. Crowley. Beloved Crowley, sweet, loyal, gentle, beautiful Crowley. A demon, yes. But a demon he loved. A demon who loved him, once. Who now felt only hate and contempt for Aziraphale. “He’ll be up there, in the stars, without me. He’ll forget about me. He already has. I disappointed him. I betrayed his love. Our love. Oh, no, no, no, no… Oh, we could’ve, we could’ve, could’ve… He said “together”, twice” – the thought felt sharp as a knife in Aziraphale’s stomach. – “He trusted me and I hurt him. Oh, Crowley. Crowley, Crowley… Of only you knew how much I loved you. How I love you still. How I always will”

He tried to make it right, do the right thing. For the world, for the people, for Heaven, for Crowley even. He couldn’t run away with Crowley. Or could he? Maybe he was nothing but a coward. A coward who missed his only chance to be with his loved one, free from the rules, free from the judgment. How happy could they be up there, on some distant planet… Only that won’t happen. Crowley hates him now, more than he ever wished to hate Crowley. He couldn’t hate Crowley. He wanted to stop loving him but loved him even more now that he was gone. Aziraphale didn’t notice people walking around him, as he felt himself dead among the living.

“Hello, Aziraphale”

Someone grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against the wall.

**

“Prophecies… Angel is obsessed with prophecies. I need to show him… Oh, he… Ugggghhhh”

Crowley had never in his life desired to get drunk this fast. The moments before he got his first bottle seemed like ages. He opened it, with the help of his teeth, and drank thirstily, as if it was a passionate kiss of long-awaited love.

No. No, no, no. No thoughts of kissing, no thoughts of love, please. Please, no. He begged his brain to shut it off, but the pain was as sharp as it was an hour ago. He held the burnt book tenderly close to his heart, fearing to let it go for a moment.

His book. Aziraphale’s book.

Gone now. Gone, gone, gone, gone. He won’t hold him the way he holds it. Won’t kiss him.

“I never did. Not once. I always thought there will be a better time.”

His lips trembled and he couldn’t hold back tears. But his tears were scarce and bitter. They gave Crowley no respite. So, he drank, greedily, as if someone was chasing him to take his last friend, his booze, away.

“Did he know?”, he whispered, with his voice shaking. “Did he?”

No, his memory told him. You told him you won’t think about him.

“Did he know how much I loved him?”

No, Crowley. You didn’t tell him. You drove away. You said, that once you’re off in the stars, you won’t…

Anthony J. Crowley worked very hard that night to get obscenely drunk. And within half an hour he did. He was no longer a mourning lover, but a mere drunk fool. There was only one thought in his brain: “It will be over soon. They will come for me. Soon I’ll vanish away, at last”.

**

“Crowley”, Aziraphale said, looking at Crowley, across Crowley’s room. Crowley was still covered in soot and looked exhausted. “Forgive me. I know I hurt you. I didn’t mean those words”

“Angel, come here”, Crowley said impatiently, standing up from the chair, his voice low and coarse. It was only now that Aziraphale realized that only a few hours ago the demon was in the burning bookshop, mourning for him. Aziraphale stepped closer, and as soon as he could, Crowley forcefully pulled him to his chest and held him so close it was hard to breathe. Crowley’s hand was caressing his hair now, Crowley’s cheek pressed against the angel’s temple. Crowley was whispering something in a ragged low voice. Aziraphale felt wetness against his skin.

“Don’t cry, Crowley. My dear Crowley. I love you. I’m here. I won’t leave you. Not ever. Please, darling, it’s alright”

“Angel…”

“Your angel, Crowley. I’ll always be your angel. Always. And you’ll be my Crowley”

“My angel…”

“I’m here, my love. My sweet, gentle Crowley. I promise you, I’ll never leave you again”

“You… You were gone…”

“And I’m here now. I came back for you”

“I’ll protect you”

“And I’ll protect you, Crowley”

“I’m sorry about that. It’s the first time, I swear”

“You’re allowed to cry. You had a rough day, saving us all”

“Adam saved us all, angel. We only got in the way”

Crowley loosened his grip and kissed Aziraphale’s forehead. His face was wet but happy.

“I’m not letting you go anywhere, angel. So we have a major fight tomorrow. We’ll kick – you see, KICK, not lick” – Crowley laughed, drying his tears away – “someone’s divine…”

“Stop it, Crowley”, Aziraphale said, putting his finger on Crowley’s lips. “Before you go on with your blasphemy, I need to kiss you”. Aziraphale started leaning up to Crowley, who was taller than him, but Crowley quickly went on one knee.

“I can’t wait, angel. I can’t wait”


End file.
